These past few days have been hectic as we prepared for and celebrated Shawn and Lucy's birthdays. It always seems like a gamble to me to commit to being the hostess when I am always SO busy and also on a bit of an emotional roller-coaster...yet I made it through. In fact, I believe that our home party was actually a success! This didn't come easily though, I must say. Just 3 hours before our guests were to arrive, I had resorted to the fetal position under a pile of covers feeling sorry for myself and (once again) feeling like being alone is the only place I truly belong. Why? Because a few things didn't seem to be going the way I had planned for them to. Lucy was not going to be home from her aunts in time for me to get her dolled up for her party. My husband and I had not communicated as we should have and I did not have the food that I needed for the night. When I finally jumped out of bed and stormed out of the house, there were just 2 hours left. I had to make a mad dash to the store, rush home and prepare a meal, then host a party, all while keeping a smile on my face. The mere thought of this made me cringe. I thought to myself that maybe I could sneak off for the evening without anyone noticing. Then I thought of sweet little Lucy and how I loved her and how ridiculous I was becoming about this whole thing. It is a hard pill to swallow when you realize that it is no one elses fault but your own that you have lost your self-control. It may feel better at first; almost comforting, to just blame it on someone else or some circumstances beyond your control when life feels tough. The truth is,though, you will only be fooling yourself. So anyway, I had to work out my salvation and make things right with God, and quick. I decided to ask the Lord to give me peace. I asked Him to forgive me for the way I was acting, and to help me get over my ideas about how everything was supposed to work out. The hardest part of all of this was simply humbling myself in order to do it. The prayer took maybe 10 seconds. The results took maybe another 10 and continued to unfold as I allowed myself to surrender and be broken bit by bit. By the time I got home, I was the sparky, "aint nothin' gonna bother me" type of woman ready to become the best dang hostess Millmont, PA had ever seen. From there on out, it was history. :) It's amazing how such a simple act can have such a profound impact on the course of events. It almost makes me wish that things like this would happen to me more often, so that I could grow and continue to be transformed into more of a carefree, spiritual woman. Almost.
On a slightly different note, I am challenging myself to become more organized this year..in typical Leah style, (if such a style even exists) I am a month behind schedule. I choose to be undaunted by this fact. I will win this battle. Muah-haha!! Stay tuned and I will fill you in with a few exciting new resources I have come across and how they are working out for me. Until then, brothers and sisters, Shalom: Peace be with you.