Friday, January 29, 2010

A new journey

I have always had passion. Sometimes this passion has led me down paths I would care not to repeat, though each step I have taken has helped shape who I have become. Yet still, who I am most definitely leaves much to be desired. Sure, I have given up (most of) my destructive habits, and even gained a plethora of exciting new hobbies, interests, knowledge and a family and faith to boot. What I am missing is the cohesiveness to keep it all neatly put together, in a way that is conducive to peace, joy, and order. It seems as though while passion can be a good and blessed thing, if not properly maintained it can take on the power of the enemy to rob, kill, and destroy! In my experience passion has even gone so far as to driving itself out of my life, while leaving all the dirty residue behind. My relationships are suffering, my health is beckoning, and my heart is searching. I am a christian homemaker, wife and mother, and a desperate woman. Deep down I know that only God himself can save me, but my mind tries to interfere. "For I have become like a bottle in the smoke", watching helplessly as the soot and grime slowly envelop and begin to permeate my being. But, as Psalm 119: 83 continues, " ..yet do I not forget thy statutes." I must not forget I am not alone. None of us are, not even in the blackest, dirtiest moments of our lives. This blog marks the beginning of my journey towards the heart of God, and a fulfillment of Philippians 4:8 "Finally brethren, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. " Even in the midst of chaos, trial, and tribulation, there is hope. Though the fire continues to burn, we can find refuge in the shadow of his wings, in our lord Jesus who performs ALL things for us. (Psalm 57) Now off to meditate on this while getting some rest for tomorrow!