Tuesday, May 29, 2012

My personal testimony- Part 3

(If you'd like to catch up, you can read part one here and part two here.)

The day I knew I was responsible for a life other than my own was truly a pleasure I can not put into words.  Instantly it was as if the Lord impressed upon me my own personal worth, along with this amazing love which embraced me like nothing I had ever felt before.  I was giddy, to say the least.  (I was also dirt poor, and basically homeless, but that was not important at a time like this!)  Several hours later came the call.  They had made a mistake with my labwork- I wasn't pregnant.

How could this be?! To me, my entire life had just become meaningful.  I had felt love for a precious new life that I never dreamed possible.  This could not be the end- we were over-comers.  Nine pivotal months and one marriage later, our first son would be born.

During my pregnancy and early marriage, the Lord worked in our lives in the most miraculous of ways.  As we began attending regular worship services and meditating on His word, He would slowly reveal truths that would change the way we had been thinking and behaving, and by grace, we began to conform more and more into his image.  I traded in Marilyn Manson and my books on the Occult for Christian music and the Bible.  I quit smoking, and instead God sparked in me a new flame- a passion for Him.  The high I used to depend on marijuana to provide was nothing compared to the rush I felt when lost in worship with the Holy Spirit!

One day an old friend called to tell me an ex user-friend of ours was rumored to have HIV. I was speechless.  In some of my darkest hours, I had shared his needles.  There was nothing I could do now but wait 6 months for my own blood test results.  Wait, and pray.  I can't tell you the hours I spent on my knees crying and praying to God for a healthy baby and a chance at a new life, but they were many.  I was desperate; needy for a Savior to wash me clean, to cleanse my baby of any dirty remnants of my filthy, sinful past.  The months rolled by slowly, yet I drew so near to God that His great peace sustained me until the day I received the beautiful news- we were both HIV negative.  Praise the Lord!

Life as a new wife and mother was a wonderful experience at first, but unfortunately things began to go dreadfully off-course.  It soon became apparent that my husband's past had a stronger grip on him than either of us had realized, leading to a broken trust which I felt may be irreparable.  I packed up my stuff, took my son with me, and went away to college- filing for divorce several months later.  When the school year ended, I packed up my bags once more and moved back home.  I thought I hated it there.  Maybe it was just too much, too fast.

My faith-walk had taken a bit of a nose dive toward the end of my campus days.  I was now your average single mom, trying to make ends meet, taking some college courses, and trying to re-enter the dating arena- all while caring for a boisterous toddler.  I was lonely, confused, and stressed-out.  Instead of running to Christ, I began dabbling in worldly pleasures once again, only to find myself feeling worse than before. This wasn't the mama my little boy needed, of that I was sure.  Still, it seemed so hard to make another turn around without someone there to do it with me.  I did not have a church family to call home, nor did I have any Christian friends who I felt could understand what I was going though.  After a few bad experiences and failed romances I willed myself to shape up, but my true heart condition did not improve much.  I even attempted a "real" relationship again, but without Christ as its center, it did not last.

One evening, I came across an ad in the newspaper for a new church in town which sparked my interest.  I decided to go check it out, and felt instantly welcome.  I even ran into an old friend of mine!  As I returned weekly, the word of God once again seeped into my spirit and I was hooked- this time He even began to fill me with the desire to dance for his glory, and to remove the spirit of fear which bound me (and my feet!)  Of course, it didn't hurt that I thought the lead musician was just about the hunkiest man I had ever laid eyes upon.  We were introduced in March of 2006 and had our first (perfect) date on April 1.  By May we were engaged in Detroit, MI and we were married on June 25, just 6 weeks later!  Breaden (now 6) was thrilled to finally have a daddy in his life, followed by 3 siblings in the 4 years to follow!  Life was wild and beautiful and filled with the awesome presence of God- I could not have asked for more.

***Fast forward 6 years later***  

Life has been beautiful.  Life has been hard.  Same with marriage, motherhood, and my walk with God.  Each day brings its own challenges and blessings, and I am still learning to take them with joy.  Through it all, though, our passion for worship remains unchanged, and watching as our children get excited when we praise Jesus together is one of the most precious gifts I have ever received.  I have so much to be thankful about.  God is so good!!      

Do you enjoy Dance And Be Glad? Why not subscribe by email  so you won't miss another post..it's easy and free!  Or, you could always add us to your reader.