Friday, March 11, 2011

She Speaks: My Personal Testimony ( Part 1)

I am a well that runs deep.  Beautiful but to One.  Valuable as the Lord's holy presence flows through the very waters I choose to draw out each morning.  His grace is the sustenance of which I feast.  Without its Light and each molecule of oxygen which fuels my blood, there would be no story of tragedy and triumph.  Only a cold, grey marker (if I would have been found worthy for such) would remain.  

My shoulders quickly rise and fall and the back of my neck tenses tightly as I think back to those years.  Years of desolation with a mother in heaven and a father who sought a new wife and business gain.. yet made no strides in understanding a daughter on the brink of destruction.  It would not be many years later that I was marked by hopelessness and bondage, and the needles that punctured my flesh with their false promise of freedom.  My heart ached hard and my hands trembled as I reached for whatever I thought would ease the pain, yet I was so disconnected with myself that I barely recognized my own reflection.  I was a high-school drop-out.  A user and  dealer- "that" girl on the streets.  

The day my battered body was pushed head first over the edge of a second story balcony foreshadowed the transformation that God was about to begin working in my life.  The hands that grabbed me and planted my feet back on the ground took every last belonging I had before chasing me away, leaving me desperate and in need of rescue.  Still unaware of my need for a savior, I agreed to solitary confinement in my old bedroom, shaking, sweating, and vomiting my way through the fierce aftermath of addiction for several weeks.  

Somehow I made it through the withdrawal without physical intervention of any kind.  I had asked Jesus into my heart as a little girl.  Could it be that in His great mercy He sent his angels to keep guard over my healing body?  I can imagine them right now, reaching out to steady me as I lay curled up in the corner, riding out the waves as they came.  There is no way I could have gotten through that on my own.

This post is dedicated to my sweet friend Kristy, who gently exhorted me to get started writing my testimony and informed me of the scholarship contest going on for registration to the SheSpeak conference- a place for women to grow in their ability to passionately serve God through writing, speaking, and ministering to the body of Christ as an act of spiritual worship.  Update: Kristy's post was one of two chosen, which entitles her to a free scholarship to the conference.  I could not be happier for her!!

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